Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
I want something that I can't have. But I suppose life is unfair that way.
I just can't take it anymore
This is what I want to say to you:
If you don't fucking want to me my friend anymore then just fucking say so. Its just mean to behave this way to me when I have done clearly nothing wrong at ALL. I am sorry that I can't be the friend that you brag about your sexual conquests with. I hope you and her are happy and have a long whore-tastic life. Hopefully you will both grow old and talk about how no man would come within 200 feet of you with an engagement ring (and lyke omg! thank goodness because getting married would be aaaaaawwwwwwwwwweeeefffffffffffffuuuuull
I am sorry that I do not have a revolving door conversation about how much I love sex and how men are evil (yet somehow your world is centered around fucking them?), and how omg no one will hire me even though I put no effort into getting an interview. But its ok sugar, daddy will take care of getting YOU a job. I am sorry that I do not bitch constantly about how "foul" (or is it fowl har har?) everything is. Nor do I brag about how I make people uncomfortable or about how mean I am to everyone. Oh and I guess I should apologize about how guy hit on me at bars and not you. It might be the fact that I don't look like I'll chop their balls off if they come speak to me. I'll give you a hint: that "better than you" vibe that you send off does not help your cause. Sitting in a corner because you think no one is worth your time is not something endearing nor does it help you get laid. With how many times you claim you've been laid I would have thought you would have known this by now.
And here is another hint: Black men are not trophies. Screwing them does not make you a cooler person, nor is it a status symbol. I am also very sure that many would be offended if they heard half the conversations that I have. Also: people get uncomfortable when you brag about how 3 people whom you've fucked in the past 3 months are at the same bar. It is not cute when you laugh maniacally about it. People, believe it or not, are not in awe of how big of a slut you are. In fact, while you were fucking stupid enough to think they are trying to get in your nasty over used panties, they are in fact wondering how on earth someone so dumb is in exsistence. You are not better than anyone. In fact, you are barely better than a dog. A dog screws things indiscriminately, just like you!
I am tired of being treated like a second class friend for these reasons. Sorry I have a steady boyfriend and I don't sleep with random men. I am sorry that my life does not revolve around my next orgasm or constantly talking about food. Guess I am just boring. I am sorry that one day I would like to get married and have kids. Sorry that I can't just yak about you all fucking day. YOU are really not that fucking interesting.
I thought you were my friend and now I don't even know who you are. People have told me eventually you'll mature but I am not going to wait for that. Consider this "friendship" over. I hope you read this and hate me for just as much as I hate you right now. Go fuck yourself. Or better yet maybe you and your new BFF for LYFE should just fuck each other because at this rate, its all you'll have.
You are the dumbest bitch I ever met. Sit on it and rotate you dumb fucking whore and suck my left nut!!! Oh wait at least whores get paid for what they do. You just give it up for a hot meal.
Get out of my life!!
Poisonous people! I'm so tired of all these fucking snakes in the grass. Leave me alone and don't bother talking to me. If you can't say or do something nice, then go fuck yourself!
I'm just so tired tired tired. I don't have the energy to deal with bullshit anymore. If you want to pretend like we're back in 10th grade then by all means, reminisce. Relive/continue your douchey behavior. But don't drag me down to your gutter. I'm too old for these shenanigans.
PS STFU upstairs. Be respectful K THX!!
Oh these peeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooopllllleee!!!!!
Where has all the rum gone?
I had a lot of fun last night with my firend. We went to a firend's house for his birthday, who is a very sweet guy. We proceeded to play flip cup and get a little intoxicated. Then we mingled. I love mingling. It's such fun. I love talking to people who have something to say. I also hit my friend's brother in the face. Oops! Sorry T. But I mingled with him and I think we got to know each other pretty well. I couldn't tell you anything about him though. But that's only because we mingled. We didn't actually say anything. Its not like we had a conversation. I love mingling.
Is there a new trend going on and I'm so obliviously cool that I became part of it without realizing it? It seems that girls have gotten tired of boys and vice versa. The new obsession is with men and women. Guy Richie first started the trend by datin Madonna. Then Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. Even a girl (woman!) in my math class was dating a 33 year old. I know what you're thinking; what's the difference? Well, the difference is vast. First it's the age. My boyfriend is 30. That is, he's 11 years older than me. He was in 5th grade when I was born, to put that in perspective. The next thing is experience. He's better at everything than any other boy I have ever dated, and that even includes dating itself. But the real question is; is experience everything?
Sure, he's confident in the bedroom and we have amazing conversations about everything and nothing at the same time. But there seems to be a downside to the age difference as well. He's so jaded. For the first month, it seemed as though all he could talk about is some woman (yeah, woman!), whom he fucked for a month, who secretly had a husband. Talk about an awkward conversation at dinner. It seemed hard for me to grasp. None of my boyfriends, as far as I know, have ever cheated on me. He still talks about her, but not as much as he used to. Which is good, because I was getting tired of hearing about her. Here I am, wanting to just enjoy my lunch, and he wants to talk about what a bad person she is! All I want to talk about is something else, or maybe how much he should be wanting to talk to/about me.
Even though the fooling around is good, he still points out how long it took for me to have the big O. Now this is a downer, because the more he brought it up, the less I even wanted to talk to him. At least he finally took a hint on that one.
All in all I can't complain. He doesn't make fart jokes, nor is he shy about anything important to a woman. Most importantly, he makes me feel like one. He knows just what to say and when to say it. He should know, he's had years of practice...
I would like to thank God for my friends and family. Without them right now, I would be insane.
Less than 2 weeks until I get to live in Cincinnati!
And the windshield on my car is now fixed!
New York is amazing! I love shoes!
OMGYAYZLOLZWTF!! THE EXCITEMENT BURNS IN MY HEART AND WISHES TO BURST FROM MY CHEST CAVITY!
There are some days, like today, when I regret watching the Science Channel. Like when they show lice having sex. And when they give you information like "they can have sex in any position", and "the males have 2 sets of testicles". Oh yeah, and the part where they said that the testicles are unusually large kind of made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
Omg. My brain.
Life Is Just Unfair
Why is it that my friends can just waltz right in and have some guy hanging all over them in a matter of seconds, and it takes me fucking years?
I fucking hate my life, face, body, personality, and overall just about everything about me.
Not only that, but to add insult to injury, they start talking about what a grand time they'll have together, on a double date, with just the four of them. O:IAUHG F:OIhwd;gflkauwgo8i trk389pydOIUYV OTRL(*p9q3hgrio3yrf.
Thanks for taking my feelings into consideration you guys. Really, you are just awesome and wonderful. Not.
However, I am rather happy that she finally dumped that asshole of a boyfriend she had, but still.
OUIY GDP(*tp34iut vq98aydfp9*TGILJGDR*&FT OU*TY*AS&v 6423ugr TGRIO8y 590pw3ior;yub09z* S
That is about how I feel right now. Fuck this shit.
I can't wait to fucking graduate and never see these people again. There is no way in hell I am ever going to live in this shithole of a town if I can fucking help it.
Mood: and fucking pissed!
Hate This Place
I can not wait to fucking graduate.
Only 5 more months.
I Luv U Pookie!
Can I disappear? Just for a little while? It's been awhile since I have written a serious entry. This is about as serious as it gets, I guess.
I'm kinda of excited about going to Atlanta. I get to see my uncle, I get to see the city, and all of that other fun stuff. However, lately there has been some drama about the family. I don't feel like explaining it because it would take too long. I save all my drama for my momma (Sometimes my daddy too!).
The point is that this trip may not be as enjoyable because of that drama. I'm all down and stuff for having a good time, but I know that shit will hit the fan if either my mother or I open our big mouthes. We tend to disagree on everything, so I know that if we get in a fight up there one of two scenarios will happen.
1). My mother and I will have an all out war while my uncle watches. He will eventually find out that what we are talking about involves him too, and he might get a tad bit mad. (Yes, said drama has to do with him. In fact, it's pretty much all about him).
2). My mother will make stupid comments from the time we arrive to the time we leave and on the flight back home I will implode because I am a bitch and will not be able to take teh stoopid.
I should have listened to my mother. This trip may have been a bad idea. Damn, all the times I don't want to listen to her and she seems to be right. But we shall see. I need to control myself and take deep breathes. Many of them.
Yeah... this will be fun!
Note: This is the part that may or may not make sense to you. Feel free to disregard or read anyway.
Damn, I really am a big asshole. Ugh... I wish I didn't get mad at everything nowadays. I seem to be doing that alot. Not to mention freaking out about stuff that is really not that important. I wish that I had delt with the stuff that was important sooner. I wish that I could just break down and make every bad thing go away. I wish that I could do it for everyone. I wish I was a stronger person. I wish I was just better in general. I wish that I could really just say and do what I wanted without being judged or looked down upon. I wish I wasn't so selfish all the time. Most of all I wish I could be myself. I'm starting to get that feeling like you're in a crowd, surrounded by people, but you're so alone. The ironic thing is that I am by myself and I feel that. I wish I could just figue things out. Just go somewhere nice and private and just... think. I really, really wish I wasn't such a big asshole, too.
Blah, mother fucker
I am so bored liek woah. And lately my knees have hurt no matter what I do. But OMG! I got some awesome skirts! And they are so pretty and stuff.
My parents can be such ass goblins :( (Sad Face WTF!)
I hate the SAT. I hate school sometimes too. Damn, I hate alot of things and I won't list them all out here.
No beach today. Well, technically today. I wanted to fry myself, then go to some party my friend was talking about and get trashed! That would have been sweet if it hadn't fallen through. Poop. I don't want to be sober anymore!!!!!
Mood: and wishing I was drunk
I have no clue what the hell to write about. So I shall leave it at this.
But, yay! Spring is here!
I want to have your children! (Umm, just kidding)
Ok, not really. Aisha, I think you ought to know... I'm a murderer. Ha! I love this song... so fucking awesome. Meanwhile, I have ridded myself of a hinderence. I like to call him T. We all know who that is so I don't need to elaborate.
For some strange reason, I have been having a hankering to go back in time to when I was more innocent than I am today. Maybe because the biggest worry I had then was if I turned in my science project on time. Blah. I can't let this get me down. I have to move on with my life. I can't bum off people forever. Not only that, it would be just stupid.
And I need to call Travis. I still have his Christmas present (even though he doesn't believe in God... does this make sense to you? He got other people presents... I don't know. This is confusing.)!
This is over and done.
Pepsi is My Friend
I can't fucking breath! And now I feel as if I might cough to death. And I could gag on my post-nasal drip.
Being sick sucks, especially when you miss school and have to make up work that you missed. But meh, I don't need no education. I definately don't need my thoughts controlled (i r so kool! i cn kwote soongs!!11!!!1).
HEY, TEACHER! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE!!!
P.S.: Yes, I am damn crazy.
P.P.S.: Trevor needs to call me so I can break off our "arrangement". I am going to do it, dammit. Really.
Now I Get It!
I have just made an important observation.
My life matters not.
Thank You for your time.
See Icon to Understand
If you ever want something done right, you better damn well do it yourself.
It'll at least save your fucking eardrums.
The World Seems So Much Smaller
Blah. I hate writing papers. I think I didn't do so well and I'm driving everyone crazy. As soon as I'm done with the oral report I need to be everyones servant or something to make up for it.
I hate being stressed.
Not to mention Trevor is back in town. i had no idea he would be back so fast. But now I kind of feel bad, because he said the whole time he was trying to call me on my cell (it's broken... FINALLY!!) but obviously he hadn't gotten through and all I've been doing since he's been gone is trying to hook up on a blind date with a guy who's name I don't even know how to spell properly. Vic? Vick? Vicke? Vik? You get the picture. Though I don't think he would spell it with an "e".
This is why I think I don't have a boyfriend. But I was really faithful to Chris. Too bad everytime he tries to talk to me or see me I blow him off. When he came to school I purposely avoided him. I am not too sure why but I think it was because when I saw him, all I could think was "What a loser. Do I want to associate with him and turn out like that? Still visiting my old highschool when I graduate?". I am going to make a vow right here. Once I graduate highschool, espcially ACDS, I will NEVER go back unless I have to. Ever. No offense, but not even for Elizabeth. But even she's not sure she's going to be there for her senior year, so I guess that takes care of that. Back on subject though, when I saw him, it was kind of like a reality check. I can't believe I was so hung up on someone like that. What was I thinking? I blew him off on AIM last night too, to talk to Trevor. Man, I really am still a bitch.
I need to call Laura. And Casey, and Travis. And I need a new phone.
Mood: w/ croutons
How Could I?
There is probably nothing that could excuse my abhorrent behavior. I don't know what lapse of brain function I had to do what I did but, to be quite frank, I was an asshole. My friends have every right to berate and admonish me. I deserve it. I confined myself from them and, damn it all, they actually missed me. It seems like a decade ago since anyone I wasn't related to cared for me like that. I thought that they wouldn't even notice, and if they did it would be ephemeral. I guess I was gullible? Dare I say I might have been ebullient if they had stayed away? Or maybe I would have been satisfied that they noticed, maybe their attention is like ambrosia, food fit for the gods themselves? I don't know why I immersed myself in my studies. Could I not have at least haggled some spare moment from Father Time to spend with them? Maybe insomnia is getting to me, though recently I have been sleeping well. I still have a certain ambivalence when it comes to admitting why I really ditched them for about a month. Hell, they even noticed at the sleep overs that I hadn't been acting myself. However my reticence to admit my problem only impeds myself to ameliration.
It was my folly in the first place to ignore them and try to pretend like I wasn't upset, or that I was in perfect harmony with them, just refusing to spend time with them. Formerly I think I could and would have told them anything and everything. I would have done it to conserve what I had; my life. But that just seems like a former thing. What is this detriment called "life"? All I know is that, this year, I couldn't afford to have it. It was exotic, yet, at the same time, it meant I was too. I used to have one and I cherished it. Well, when it was intact anyway.
Mood: Even More Stressed
Because It Was Just That Funny
Stolen from http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.b
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she does not fancy.)
Your new prime minister will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, thefollowing rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary." Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed." And don't listen to Hillary anymore.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that difficult.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen," but only after fully carrying out task 1 (above). We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit."
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation, The Queen's Troops
OMG!!! MY PARENTS ARE BEING GAY!! AND I WANT TO GET LAID! VERY VERY BADLY!!1!1!1 OH.EM.EFF.GEE!!!!!1111!!!!!111!!!!!1-804-5
I hate stuff. much stuff@! Arg! alsio dfhoiehef powfopujw09ur osdkjiv oixch oi;udfih sdklf osh!!!!!!1111111
Ok... I think that I am satisfied. i hate that my car's paint is chipped. It bites so hard and i hate it so.
This Is Damn Funny
Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays
The following is a list of excerpts from actual high school essays.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a curcle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 PM traveling at 55 MPH, the other from Topeka at 4:19 PM at a speed of 35 MPH.
15. The lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. The were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are known to do.
20. The plan was simply, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame - - maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
26. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
28. Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
29. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall
Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children.Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
Most of that couldn't be farther from the truth (I wish it was true!!). But it is just an online quiz. And I still <3 my birth month because it's teh shit.